Mondays Suck
by ukexchan
Summary: It's my first story so be gentle. Kakashi gets poisoned and stalks Iruka... oh dear.
1. Chapter 1

_Mondays suck._

_Stupid Genma and his stupid Raidou with their stupid faces and their endless supply of stupid sake._

_Note to self: Sundays are not weekends no matter how much stupid people with stupid faces inist they are just so they can get you drunk off your butt on a school night._ Iruka thought as he stumbled gracelessly around his apartment in search of his vest.

_They better pray I'm not late to class. I'd kill them very dead for having stupid faces and stupid sake. They're very very lucky I woke up before classes started._

_Crap on a stick! I work the missions room today… Is it terribly wrong to kill your friends?_

Iruka picked up his jacket and jutsu-ed to class as quickly as he could, and as he could tell you, teaching with a hang over is highly in advisable, especially when it's test day and the brats actually expect you to be able to read their handwriting. Can you say headache?

And then of course there's the missions room where you get to read reports from jounins whose writing was somehow worse than his students. Iruka could have sworn they did it on purpose. And not only that but the 'reports' are really just random bits of information that seemed to imply mission sex without really implying it. And these 'reports' were written on stained, torn wet, and very smelly paper that one couldn't really even call paper anymore because it was so fucked… Iruka prayed that 'fucked' wasn't literal. Can you say migrane-so-bad-you've-puked-five-times?

And just when poor 'Ruka-chan's day couldn't get any worse, in walked a certain jounin with silver hair and only one eye. Make that six times with the puking… But being the profession he was, he wiped his mouth, plastered on that hideously fake smile and restrained himself from screaming and/or murdering the world.

"Yo." Kakashi said dully, visible eye drooping, looking terribly bored as though he wasn't bleeding and his clothes weren't ripped, but Iruka ignored all of that hoping to Kami the jounin might just go away. He was in no mood to deal with this.

"Konichiwa Kakashi-san. Do you have your report?" Kakashi responded by reaching into his vest, pulling out the mangled report, and handing it to the chuunin. "Hai. That's all." Iruka said, trying to hide his annoyance at the pathetic 'report' he'd just received. Kakashi stood hovering over the younger man, and after a very long moment and a failed attempt to ignore the other man, Iruak looked up from the paper. "You can go." He barely hid the edge in his voice.

"Not really." Kakashi said in his usual dull tone before his eye rolled back and his body went limp. Iruka barely had enough time to react. He jumped up and caught Kakashi just before said jounin experienced a direct blow to the face via floor.

Yup, he was definitely in no mood to deal with this.

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When he finally got the stupid jounin to the hospital, he was quite ready to kill anything that moved. Thus, when Tsunade walked in, it took will power he didn't know he had not to try to gut her with a kunai.

"Umino-san, what brings you here?"

"I brought _that_ here." Iruka practically growled gesturing toward Kakashi.

"Ouch. His mission sucked." Tsunade commented rather coldly.

"With all due respect Hokage-sama, I don't care." Iruka turned to leave.

"Hold it Umino-san." Iruka sighed heavily and turned to face Tsunade who had gone to work examining the unconscious man.

"Hai?"

"Why were you the one to bring him here?"

"He passed out in the missions room." Iruka responded, only getting more impatient by the minute.

"And was he acting strangely before he dropped?"

"Not for him."

"Hmm. That's weird." Tsunade commented, more to herself than the Iruka.

"What?"

"I thought you didn't care." Tsunade mocked. At this point Iruka seriously considered jumping out the window and landing on his neck. "He was poisoned, but he must have been in shock not to react to it. All well, he should be fine by morning… mostly."

"Great. Bye." And with that, Iruka left. When the chuunin was finally gone, Raidou slipped into the room.

"Hokage-sama?"

"You were in the missions room?"

"Hai."

"Did you see what happened between Umino-san and Hatake-san?"

"Hai."

"Good. Iruka-san was so hungover _I_ almost wanted to puke. Did you notice anything?"

"Ano… Kakashi-san was…" Raidou trailed off clearly uncomfortable with the situation.

"Right. I figured as much." Raidou sighed in relief that Tsunade seemed to get where he was going. "You'd better keep an eye on Iruka-san. I'm not exactly sure what Hatake-san will do when he wakes up."

"I think we should really just let him do… whatever he's going to do." Raidou remarked purposely.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, but mangaged to look amused. "Are you saying our dear chuunin—"

"I really think so."

Tsunade grinned almost devilishly. "This certainly will be interesting.

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Iruka slammed his hand on the screaming alarm clock, effectively silencing it. He let out a long sigh. He'd gotten almost no sleep. He couldn't shake the feeling that he'd missed something important detail about Kakashi the day before. Not that he was particularly fond of the jounin or anything, but he certainly didn't want to be the one everyone blamed for the imfamous copy-nin's demise. (And yes, he was quite sure that Kakashi was going to die, and that it was going to be he fault because that's what happens when you stay up all night thinking about such things.) Poisons worked discretely. It was important to take in every detail, and since Iruka was the last one to see Kakashi conscious, it was his duty to report any oddities about the porn-lover's behaviour. Iruka had gone over the scene countless times in his head, but couldn't pinpoint anything particularly odd about the jounin.

He slid lazily out of bed and prepared for class, but his mind remained elsewhere. He didn't have to work the missions room, so he could always visit the stupid man after class.

_Tsunade-sama said he should be alright today, but surely they'll keep him for observation… that is unless he doesn't he doesn't want to stay. I don't know if anyone can make that man do something he doesn't want to do. I'd drop dead if he was ever on time._ Iruka smiled at the thought before he stopped dead in his tracks. _His missions report was on time yesterday… is that what I've been missing? Is there some kind of punctuality poison out there._ Iruka mental slapped himself for even thinking that… hard.

_That has to be the dumbest thing I have ever come up with. Think Umino. He was on time and he was badly injured. Why would he actually come hand a missions report in on time for the first time in his life when he obviously should have gone to the hospital? The report wouldn't have even been considered late… come to think of it, he must've passed the hospital to get to the missions room, so it's not even like he was dropping it off on the way. What was he thinking._ Iruka sighed and resigned himself to just asking the jounin himself.

Iruka's thoughts were plagued by worry and confusion for the rest of the day. He had a hard time teaching he was so preoccupied, and he ended up snapping at his students more than was necessary. When classes finally ended, he packed up almost as quickly as his students, ready to head for the hospital, but when he turned for the door, he found a very smug looking Genma.

"What do you want?" Iruka asked annoyed, clearly he was in a hurry.

"I heard about Kakashi-san."

"Figures. Look, I really need to go, you can torment me later."

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

"To see Kakashi-san. You just said you knew."

Genma looked lightly shocked. " I know about Kakashi-san. I didn't figure… I guess I just never thought…"

"That I liked him?"

"Well, yeah. You seem to hate him in fact."

"Yeah, well, we can discuss this later. I really should get going."

"You know what, I'll leave. Clearly you two have some things to discuss." Genma commented staring out over Iruka's shoulder and out the window.

"What?" Iruka asked confused.

Genma gestured toward the window. When Iruka looked to where he was pointing, he saw a Kakashi in a tree. Now what would a Kakashi that's supposed to be dead be doing in a tree? Upon seeing the very not dead jounin practically stalking him, Iruka grew angry and stormed out of the classroom to give the Kakashi a well deserved scolding… for being alive and effectively solving his problem. Lack of sleep apparently leads to lack of logic.

In the hall just outside his classroom, Iruka ran into Raidou, quite literally. And while the scarred man had planned on inquiring about the whereabouts of a certain senbon-sucker, he was busy practically getting run over. Raidou saw Genma standing in the chuunin's classroom, and wanted to rip him in half.

"What the hell did you do to him?!?!" Raidou yelled, quite naturally assuming Genma had been the cause of Iruka's foul mood. It wouldn't be the first time…

Genma put his arms up defensively and slowly backed away explaining, "It wasn't me! It was the one eyed man!"

A/N: There will be smex in the next chapter (I have already started writing it), however, I might not post it here, since I'd rather not have to deal with the rule breaking, but I'll have a link to the lemon available. Please read and review folks!


	2. Chapter 2

"Wait! Kakashi-san is here?" Raidou asked pointedly.

"Hai." Genma responded almost frightened.

"And Iruka is going out there?"

"Hai." Genma said backing up a bit more.

"Oh my…" Raidou smiled fiendishly.

"I am deeply confused." Poor Genma was very in the dark.

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"What do you think you're doing here?!?!" Iruka yelled from the base of a tree. Kakashi jumped down and greeted the chuunin with a happily curved eye.

"Oi, did you read my report?" Kakashi asked in an oddly cheerful tone.

"I didn't exactly have time. I was busy making sure you didn't die, feel free to thank me at any point by the way. Genma read it."

Kakashi's eye seemed to be able to infer almost any facial expression because Iruka could tell he was pouting. "No!" Kakashi whined. "That's not right at all. That report was written for you. Genma is stupid. Don't you think he has a stupid face? I do." Kakashi stuck his tongue out at this and proceeded to cross his arms firmly across his chest as if to emphasize his point.

Iruka stared at the genius in utter disbelieve. He felt like he was dealing with a six year old. He had been fairly certain Kakashi hadn't even acted like this when he _was_ a six year old… what the hell? He was behaving like a pouty school girl. What exactly had that poison done to him?

"Were you supposed to leave the hospital Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked, finally addressing the hospital garb that had gotten him in such a foul mood to begin with. You try worrying about some idiot all night only to find them stalking you, rather blatantly, the next day after having escaped from the hospital. Kakashi was going to die, and it was going to be all Iruka's fault, and he would inevitably get kicked out of the village for it since that kind of thing never happens… wow he needed sleep.

"No." Kakashi answered. "But I wanted to know what you thought of my missions report. I worked very hard on it."

"Well, I'll have to read it later I guess, but for now, let's get you to see Tsunade-sama."

Kakashi actually shuddered at the mention of the Hokage's name. "Ew. Girls have cooties."

Iruka grabbed the psycho by the arm and carted him off to see the Hokage.

Once inside her office, Iruka tried to let go of Kakashi, but realized somewhere along the way they had ended up holding hands and Kakashi didn't seem to keen on letting go. Weird.

"What do you want?" The busty blonde inquired, not even bothering to look up from her mound of paperwork.

"Well, Kakashi-san escaped from the hospital, and he's acting… strangely."

"And…?"

"He's been poisoned. Can't you fix him?" Iruka asked angrily.

"No. It's too late. The poison will have to run its course. He'll be fine."

"He's acting like a child. What kind of poison makes a grown man act like…" Iruka looked at Kakashi, leaning into him and… smelling him? "… Like that?"

Tsunade grinned to herself, but said nothing.

"This isn't funny! It's awkward. He's being weird, and he thinks girls have cooties…"

"Because they do." Kakashi explained. "And it's not like I'm stupid or deaf. I can hear you and I understand what you're saying."

Iruka blushed sheepishly and Tsunade's grin grew a bit wicked. Iruka didn't even want to know what she was thinking.

"Whatever." Kakashi sighed and rested his head on the shorter man's shoulder looking quite content to stay there. This earned him a confused stare, but Tsunade only grew more amused with the situation and Iruka's reaction to it.

"Kakashi-san is simply having trouble with his psyche. It has to do with a chemical imbalance in is frontal lobe and a lot of big words and boring details. He'll be perfectly fine in about an hour." Tsunade reassured the chuunin, yet she continued to grin in a way that did anything but reassure the brunette.

"How exactly would a poison do this much damage to his psyche?" Iruka asked, a bit skeptical.

"I don't really know. I could explain to you the biology of it, but like I said, it's a lot of big words and boring details that would mean almost nothing to you. I really don't understand psychology so if that's what you're asking about, you're going to have to talk to Ibiki. All I know is that he was poisoned, but it's nothing serious so stop worrying, you're making me feel nervous. I'm gonna need a drink soon if you don't calm down."

"You just want to use that as an excuse for drinking." Iruka sighed.

"See, girls are dumb. I never liked them." Kakashi commented and sounded quite content nuzzling the crook of Iruka's neck.

"Iruka, you read his report. He's vulnerable right now. Kami knows he wouldn't have been able to write it in any other situation, we've all been waiting for…" Tsunade cleared her throat and sighed. "Just, don't be stupid, okay?"

Iruka looked puzzled. "Genma read the report."

"Yeah, and I sent him to give it to you." Tsunade said sounding quite agitated.

"Well, he didn't." Iruka said matter of factly.

"That's because he's an idiot who sucks at life." Raidou informed them as he barged in, handing Iruka the report. Genma followed not too far behind. "Read it." Raidou ordered as if he were talking to Genma. Iruka gave Raidou a warning glance before looking at the report.

"I thought he knew." Genma tried to explain, but no one was listening. "Everyone else in the village knew even without the report," he muttered to himself.

Iruka looked at Kakashi who had taken to blushing shyly. The mask hid it for the most part, but Iruka could feel the heat rising in the other man's face due to their intimate position.

Why was Kakashi blushing? And what the hell was in that report?

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Iruka looked up from the paper.

"I do not understand." He stated darkly, his face was stained red.

"But I drew pictures." Kakashi noted, pointing out an example on the page.

"First of all, I don't think it's physically possible to bend that way and second, huh?"

Kakashi was growing impatient. "I like you Umino Iruka-san. I wish to be your boyfriend forever and always. I want to buy you flowers, and surprise you by showing up on time. I want to take you out for dinner and coffee and movies. I want to make you smile and laugh and blush and scream my name while I have you bent over the—"

"That's quite enough!" Raidou shouted, saving the wide-eyed, red-faced Iruka from further embarrassment.

"Oh come on! It was just getting good." Genma whined.

"Out." Raidou ordered and Genma obeyed. Raidou strode out of the room after the senbon-sucker and something about the way they left told Iruka that Genma would be walking funny in the morning. Ifuka shook the mental image from his head and focused on the situation at hand.

"How long will the poison be in his system?" Iruka asked in a wary tone.

"How many times are you going to ask that?" The chuunin glared at her. "About an hour, but he seems to be over that regression phase."

"Well, what phases are left then?"

"The one he's in now, lack of inhibitions which shouldn't be all that different from his usual self, and then there should be a short span in which his frontal lobe basically shuts down to sort of reboot and then he'll be fine."

"A short period?"

"Five minutes at the most."

Iruka sighed heavily. This certainly would be interesting.

"Don't look so glum Iruka-san. He said he wanted to show up on time. I didn't even think that was possible."

Iruka groaned and walked out of Tsunade's office, unsurprisingly, Kakashi followed.

"Are you just going to stalk me all day?" Iruka asked sounding quite tired of everything. He needed a break.

"You never gave me an answer." Kakashi stated blandly. At least he was done acting like a six year old.

"No, I don't suppose I did. But if you're going to follow me around all day, you'd better get some clothes on."

"Okay." Kakashi shrugged and jutsu-ed them both to his apartment without another word.

"I didn't mean I wanted to come with you." Iruka said annoyed yet again.

"No, but now you're here. I'll only be a moment." And with that Kakashi went to change. Before Iruka had any kind of chance to look around or run horrified out the door, the scarecrow was back. He was wearing his dark blue mask and headband along with a pair of uniform pants that sat dangerously low on his hips, revealing a teasing bit of skin. His shirt was navy blue and clung to him just enough to hint at the well sculpted muscles underneath, but not enough to really be considered tight. Iruka had to fight the urge to nosebleed and settled on blushing instead.

_Oh Kami! This is a cruel joke. I don't need this. Genma probably put him up to this. He's always trying to get me laid. But then again Raidou is more perceptive, I wouldn't be surprised if he's bicked up on the fact that I'm hot for Kakashi… he always seems to notice when I like someone… Who am I kidding? Those two do everything together, they're both in on it! _Iruka sighed to himself. _That doesn't even make sense…_

"So, Iruka-san, what were your plans for today?" Kakashi drawled out, making every word sound like sex without really changing his tone at all.

"Um, nothing really. Work mostly I guess." Iruka said trying desperately not to imagine the copy-nin naked doing ungodly things to his person.

"I think I can come up with something a bit more interesting." Kakashi said, sounding like sex in a way Iruka would marvel at for the rest of forever, and this time he was walking toward the dolphin, allowing his hips to sway slightly.

"I, um, I have work to do." Iruka stuttered out. This was not going well at all… oh dear. Kakahi was only inches away from him now and Iruka realized quite frantically that he was standing against a wall.

"Tsk, tsk sensei." Kakashi whispered in a husky voice while his nimble fingers made quick work removing the younger man's headband, and began working on the hair tie. "All work and no play, you should know better."

"Kakashi-san, I have class in the morning." Iruka pleaded.

"Yes, but for now you're free and you deserve a little fun." His statement was punctuated by Iruka's hair falling about his face, framing it perfectly.

"Kakashi-san, please stop." Iruka begged trying to squirm away, but the way he said it seemed to beg for Kakashi to continue. He was out of breath and blushing shyly, and he was leaning into Kakashi's touches against his own will.

"Stop what?" Kakashi asked innocently. "I haven't even done anything…yet." And with that Kakashi took one final step forward and closed the distance between them.

LEMON

A/N: The lemon has been cut, but if you wish to read it, it's available at MediaMiner. It's under the same title and isn't hard to find. Please read and review.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Hey guys! Thanks to all my reviewers! You guys inspire me. I hope you like it so far, and hopefully it's not too confusing. And I'll admit leaving it there was kind of evil. TeeHee! Just so you know, this version of the story is **HEAVILY** edited, just to get the important bits of information across for those who don't wish to read the lemon. If you want to read the actual story it's at MediaMiner.

"Nnnhnn, Kakashi-san please." Iruka moaned out, and neither man knew exactly what he meant by that.

_I really shouldn't be doing this. He can't control himself. I'm—OH KAMI!!!!—I'm taking advantage._ Iruka managed to think.

"Kakashi, stop. You don't—nnghnn—you don't know what you're doing." Iruka managed between pants.

"No -san sensei?" Kakashi smirked. "You'd think we were intimate or something." The scarecrow slid Iruka's vest off and began pulling off the brunette's shirt.

"Please, just stop." Iruka moaned out as the shirt was pulled over his head.

"No more talking."

"Fuck." Kakashi muttered after a moment and began backing away. "I'm sorry Iruka-san, I didn't mean to—"

He was cut off due to a certain chuunin's tongue being in his mouth. When they finally broke the kiss, both men were panting.

"Iruka-san, I didn't mean to force you into anything. You don't have to—"

"You said no more talking" the chuunin grinned.

"I know, I'm sorry. I really I didn't know what I was doing. Not that that's an excuse of course, but—"

"Kakashi…" he made a point of leaving off the suffix. "You didn't know what you were doing. I understand that, but you're fine now, ne?"

"Well, yeah but—"

"But nothing. Shut up." Iruka snapped more playfully than anything. "You couldn't really control yourself and I'm not mad."

"You're not?!" Kakashi was rather shocked.

"I'm not mad. I'm horny as hell, but I'm not mad. So, do you want to be my boyfriend forever and always?" Iruka quoted.

"I—um…" Kakashi blushed feeling very unsure of himself and more vulnerable than he's been in years. The fact that he wasn't wearing his mask only made matters worse. Finally, he decided that he might as well be honest. "I do." Kakashi said and felt very much like he'd just married the chuunin. "I mean, I'd like to date you, but—"

"But nothing. You are now officially my boyfriend Hatake Kakashi, and as such it's your duty to help me with my current problem."

Kakashi was in a state of shock. He had accidently let the man of his dreams know how he felt, nearly raped said dreamy man, was somehow willingly forced into a relationship he wasn't sure he was ready for, and now he had duties? His head hurt.

"What problem?" Kakashi asked bewilderment clear in his voice.

"It's a problem you started." Iruka whispered huskily. Kakashi smiled. His life wasn't so bad today. Today he would have very good sex with a very sexy chuunin. He mentally did a happy dance.

"Are you just going to stand there with that stupid grin on your face or are you going to do something?" Iruka asked, getting more impatient by the second.

Kakashi grinned and engaged the dolphin in another mindblowing kiss. There tongues briefly fought for dominace before Iruka settle for sucking gently on the other man's pink muscle. The copy-nin let out a gutteral moan. Iruka grinned and began playing with the hem of Kakashi's shirt, gently caressing the skin there. When they broke the kiss it was only so Iruka could lift the shirt over Kakashi's head.

With the shirt out of the way, Kakashi licked his way to the chuunin's where he whispered "Bed?" reveling in the way it caused the chuunin to shudder slightly. He busied himself sucking and nibbling on the lobe.

"Too—nnngh!—too far." Iruka moaned.

"Here?!" the jounin asked surprised at his new lover's rather lax attitude about sex. He hadn't expected that out of the mild mannered academy teacher who blushed like mad over anything even remotely related to sex.

"Is there a reason you aren't ravaging me yet?" Iruka asked as he hand made its way into Kakashi's pants.

"I—aahh—okay." Kakashi grinned excitedly. Oh, today was a good day indeed.

"You're sure you want this?" Kakashi asked, still unsure of the chuunin's judgement.

"Fuck Kakashi, you better get to it soon or I swear by all that is good and right in the world I _will _rape you!"

_How cute. He would rape me! Today is definitely a good day.Did he just swear at me? I didn't even knew he knew how to think those words let alone use them. _Kakashi thought gleefully and he granted the chuunin's wish.

Iruka collapsed exhausted onto Kakashi. They layed there for a long moment basking in the afterglow, until both of them seemed to realize simultaneously that something was very wrong. Kakashi froze, and Iruka hesitantly looked over his shoulder. There stood Genma with his nose dripping blood and a bulge in his pants. The voyeur had actually let the senbon fall completely from his mouth as he stood there gaping at the two men on the floor in front of him.

"Shit." Was all someone said, but no one was exactly sure who had said it, as they were all thinking it.

A/N: Teehee! I hope you guys enjoyed it! Don't be shy to review, it spurs my imagination!!!


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